Sunday, August 01, 2004

TAB again

With reference to the latest comments in regard to the TAB fiasco, I feel I just couldn't sit back and do not do or say anything about it.

I beg to differ.

If what I'm going to say might are not pleasant sounding to you, I'm sorry. This is my blog. I say what I want. Let me remind the general Reader that I'm not out to put people down. The solitary reason of why I blog is purely to document my thoughts and stand on whatever matters or issues which I regard as mentionable or significant. If you have read some of my previous posting before, I don't believe I have ever seriously condemned a specific individual. Oh well, maybe one, the you-know-who if you have been reading my blog for the past month or so.

For the record, I have never doubted Miss Dorean Tan's ability as a conductor. I respect the fact that she has brought TSMB to a Silver award in the SYF. Although I'm a believer that SYFs should be abolished but I shall not digress now. The current grading system is perhaps the best testimonial of her achievements. True enough, what were once mid-range instruments had since been replaced by higher grade instruments. Instead of Yamaha intermediate saxophones, I saw Selmer Paris Series II. I saw a lot of higher-end Buffet clarinets. There were Miyazawa flutes. The list goes on and on.

So if I think she's a great person who has brought the band to greater heights, why am I complaining so much now?

To put it simply: She was disappointing. I see many people jumping off their seats now and starting to protest at me. Please read on.

Not liking us is an issue, but why goes all the way to totally block us out? Have we, the senior batch been given a chance to know her better? No, we haven't. What can we do when she didn't allow herself to interact with us?

Even though Mr Chew could potentially be a bastard on his days, he and his wife spoke with earlier seniors who weren't under them. It probably wasn't those in depth conversation about current affairs but at least there were some small talk going.

"...ms tan: don mix around wif those kind of pp.. u shld knoe who i am referrin to.. ive never like students who werent under me before.. u are a good ger, there are many guys around.. don be mesmerised by his playin.. this kind of pp bu hao re.. muz trust teacher..."

Is this familiar? I have no choice to refer to what she said to Zhihui after the augural TAB practice.

Mind games. Brainwashing. The cold cruelty of the back-stabbing world being imposed on a bright-eyed girl who is stepping into the real world.

This, in my opinion, was despicable. I'm sorry I have to use this word but I can't think of any other word to describe this tinge of raw emotion.

Let me address the shame and guilt some of the juniors experienced after being reprimanded on their selfishness. When you really respect and look up to a person very much, it's extremely hard to accept when he/she do something totally out of character. It's a very hard fall and when you attempt to pick yourself up to move on. The impact and scar are there and when you look back and think of the past good and happy things that had happened. They don't always seem to be as good as ever.

As some might put it: A sense of betrayal.

Please understand that if we were thrown out of the band based on unacceptable behaviours or attitude, we can accept it. But based on the concept of "protection of her student"? I'm sorry but this is a rather weak reasoning. This is nothing more than a slap in the face for most of us who wish to help. Furthermore, we are fully aware of her displeasure of our presence. Try harder and give us a better reason ya?

If we put ourselves in her shoes, who will put themselves in ours?

On a note of self-evaluation, I believe I could have written a lot of nastier sounding things but I elected to refrain myself by giving the issue a lot of thoughts. I could have written this last night right after reading the comments, but I didn't. I gave myself time to think. I would probably have angrily written some strongly worded article that I would come to regret. I'm really trying my best to be fair as possible to everyone. I'm sure everyone is sick of this fiasco. I am. It makes me bitter.

For Reader's info, I don't just write aimlessly. Primarily, I have absolutely no intention to create any potential drifts between me and any other juniors from later batches. I'm on good terms with some juniors and I absolutely have no intention to change the status of our ties.


As I've said before, I just hope for all young and old alumni to be able to play together happily in a room.

Is this a lot to ask for?

Sigh.

*PS. For juniors who are here: Don't get too upset and involved in this. Just play your own part well. Let us, the people directly involved, handle it. I'm really touched by all the support you had shown. Thank you! =)
fjozn at 12:06 PM